Donald Winnicott was an influential psychoanalyst within the psychodynamic tradition. His concepts shaped how therapists work today.
Originally, as a paediatrician he had the opportunity to observe the infant-mother relationship at close range. During his childhood his Mum had mental health problems and he described himself as a disturbed adolescent, these experiences might have been his inspiration to become an analyst. He developed the concept of the good enough mother, according to which, during early infancy the mother should be completely devoted to the infant’s needs to protect the baby with an illusion of omnipotence. After a while a small amount of frustration is allowed though, but in an ideal situation the mother is still good enough, attuned, empathetic, consistent and caring.
First, the mother is perceived by the infant as part of himself. As the child grows and the mother is away for longer and longer periods of time, he experiences this separatedness and has a sense of the external world, too. This process is important and the timing has crucial importance. Both of these phases are equally important and the transitional experience should be gradual, it is considered as a balancing act from the mother’s part. In the former one, in the fantasy phase, (or subjectivity) the infant’s needs are immediately fulfilled, in the second one, in the reality phase, (or objectivity) his needs are not fully met and frustration occurs.
He also coined the term “holding” which is based on the mother’s nurturing and caring behaviour that results in the child’s feeling safe and secure and thriving emotionally. Similarly to the mother-infant dynamics, in therapy the counsellor can provide holding, a safe, supportive environment in the therapeutic relationship. The client feels safe enough to explore both his internal world and his external reality and to examine painful feelings.
If the client could not experience this during childhood the therapist can provide a sort of reparative relationship. The therapist’s holding, containment and non-defensiveness can create a new type of relationship, in which the client can replay relationships with significant other’s without the therapist being defensive. The counsellor is reliable, objective, available, consistent and by these qualities, she can meet the client’s neglected ego needs and the client’s true self can emerge as a result of this new relationship.
Winnicott also developed the concept of transitional objects, these can include blankets, dolls or even the child’s thumb. These can help children to feel safe and secure in the mother’s absence and can play a role in transitioning towards independence. It’s almost like an illusion between fantasy and reality.
W. believed that the true self starts to develop in infancy through the relationship between the infant and the mother. The mother responds to the infant’s needs in a reassuring way. As a result, the infant develops an authentic self. The infant has confidence in expressing his needs and does not control or avoid them. He does not have to invest energy into defences. In later life it is a sense of being real in one’s mind and body, which allows people to be emotionally close to others and also capable to be creative. W. thought play was an important path to gain awareness so he encouraged creative activities and sports, too.
However, if the mother is not responsive or emotionally attuned enough, the infant may start to develop a false sense in infancy, as a defence against an unsafe environment. The infant may experience emotional or physical distress or discomfort. This lack of illusion of omnipotence results in the infant’s finding a way to get a positive response somehow from the mother who may be unhappy or depressed by displaying a false self, a kind of masking of behaviour that complies with others' expectations. Or in other words, it’s a defence when one constantly seeks to anticipate others' demands and comply with them. This is an unconscious process and it also protects the true self.
W. also believed that the false self was a mannerly, orderly, external self that enabled a person to fit into society, a polite mannered attitude in public. Clients with a false self may feel empty inside and their behaviour is motivated by a desire to please others. Through the therapeutic relationship they can learn to spontaneously express their own feelings and ideas.
Bibliography:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/suffer-the-children/201605/what-is-good-enough-mother
https://www.goodtherapy.org/famous-psychologists/donald-winnicott.html
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