There are several theories related to the stages and tasks of grief that can help mental health practitioners understand the clients’ experience and support them. There are even some charities providing individual support or support groups for the bereaved, for example Cruse.
According to Worden’s theory, which he developed in the 1980s, there are four stages that people go through when a loved one dies or a significant loss occurs and there are 4 tasks of the bereavement process. The whole process can be of various lengths depending on the individual’s personal experience, which is very unique to everyone.
The first stage is shock and the task is to accept the reality of loss, that the person is dead and will not return. One needs to accomplish this stage first to continue the mourning process. One may be in denial at this stage, some people may keep the possessions of the deceased for a long time. Denying the meaning of loss can also happen by removing all the reminders of the deceased. Rituals such as a funeral can help this process.
The second stage is the growing awareness stage, at this stage the task is working through and experiencing the pain of grief. People may experience a range of different emotions such as anger, regret, guilt or relief. They may also have various feelings, thoughts, physical sensations and behaviours with various intensity. Experiencing these and working them through can help instead of suppressing or avoiding them. The stronger the emotional attachment was, the more painful these emotions are. Avoidance can involve using alcohol or drugs or idealising the deceased by remembering only the positive things. Some people avoid grief by moving away from the place where they lived together. Denial and avoiding conscious grieving usually leads to some sort of a breakdown and may result in depression. A supportive social system can help the person work it through and if the society does not stigmatise grief that can also be helpful.
Stage 3 is the transition stage, the task is to adjust to an environment in which the deceased is missing. Apart from the emotional and psychological adjustments during this stage one may need to adapt to a new role, learn new skills, return to their career, raise a child alone etc. The bereaved person might feel helpless, inadequate, incapable first, so the sense of self needs adjusting too. A more positive sense of self is created over time and they manage to regain control over their life.
Stage 4 is called incorporation and the task is to find an enduring connection with the deceased while moving on with life. The counsellor can help clients to find an appropriate place for the deceased in their emotional life. This will enable them to live on effectively and reformulate their life. They will be able to think of the deceased without pain, regain an interest in life, feel more hopeful and experience gratification again.
The grief process can be 1-2 years but in some cases it can be longer or shorter.
Bibliograpy:
https://www.cruse.org.uk/get-help/coping-grief
https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/grief
https://www.verywellhealth.com/the-four-phases-and-tasks-of-grief-1132550
Wordem W.J., Grief Counselling and Psychotherapy Chapter 1
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